Short-sighted synthpop legends, Spandau Ballet have reformed, but to cut a long story short they haven't used their instinction to realise that they've got the wrong Kemp.The tour is sponsored by the opticians giant 'Eyeliner Express' with good reason. The boys are too vain to wear glasses and too cowardly to go down the contacts or laser route.
Martin Kemp, who organised the reunion, called up Ross by mistake as he was next to Gary on his mobile phonebook. Ross was excited at the offer and said, "Paint me down - I'll do it!"
When Ross turned up at rehearsals in his new romantic gear, he looked so much like Gary that nothing was suspected, and still isn't to this day. Gary Kemp peeped his head through the door and when he clocked the situation decided to leave it be, as he couldn't be bothered with the reunion anyway: "I don't need this pressure on", he e-mailed to me in confidence.
He phoned Ross Kemp's agent and took over the vast 'Grant Mitchell' entertainment portfolio with gusto, particularly looking forward to appearing in 'Ross Kemp on Gangbangs'.
Gary's first assignment was to go through the barricades to Afghanistan to boost the troops' morale with a few bars of 'gold' and a bad script. He was excited to go on a journey to glory to Helmand Province, as he thought that was where mayonnaise came from. He's still there filming with 'the boys'.
Ross, meanwhile, loves playing with 'the ballet', and performs his backing vocals and jazzy funk guitar with aplomb. The only comment he has received was when Steve Norman stated that he looked more musclebound that he used to. I hope no-one spoils the Spandau 'Scarves and Sentiment' tour by telling them about the Kemp mix-up. Even so, they probably wouldn't believe that it was true!
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