Jim Davidson is inconsolable after his disastrous attempt at a comeback on ITV's unexplainable hit show, 'Britain's Got Talent'. After his homophobic comments and poor letter writing skills were exposed on 'Hell's Kitchen' last year, Davidson's profile with the public was as low as Gordon Browns.Ever the fighter, Davidson (who's dream is to be back on UK prime time TV and ditch the 'adult' pantos) planned a comeback and was prepared to start at the bottom: by buying a pair of 'magic knickers' and updating his act.
Hot on the phone from his Dubai tax haven Davidson told me, "I did all I could Bernie, but they still rejected me. I went on the Atkins and lost three stone, then built up a new act around my drag character 'Jamie Davidson', trying to prove to the public that I'm gay friendly. I went on stage buzzing, but then the judges all buzzed back after only three sexist jokes!
Cowell then ripped me apart telling me to 'get back to the seventies', that I was 'old hat' and a 'disgrace to entertainment'. What the f*uck does he know? He's all teeth and tits. And who the f*ck is Piers Morgan or Amanda Holden? I've never heard of these lily-livered no marks and I told them so. They le
t through an old boiler and two kids but not Britain's most popular comedian of 1975. Where's the justice? And, to top it off, they haven't even show my audition on the telly. An absolute f'ing travesty! I tell you Bernie, I'll get revenge on Cowell for this!"After calming Davidson down, I told him to concentrate on finishing his new pantos: 'Pussy in Boots' and 'The Princess and the Pea-nis'. So it's back to the drawing board for poor old unlucky Jim.
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