Self-proclaimed 'King of Gaseous Soft Drinks' and a close personal friend of mine, Michael Jackson, has suffered another blow to his dignity which he has managed to keep secret till now.After his histrionic announcement at the O2 concerning his 50 comeback dates (those things repeat on me too, I prefer prunes), Jacko appeared to be ditzy and was not his usual extroverted, lewd and bawdy self. Being a friend, I picked up on his emotions and rushed backstage after his embarrassing hugging of Dermot O'Leary.
Jackson was being questioned by two members of The Fuzz when a couple of policemen appeared and asked him to accompany them to the local clink. Jacko was willing as he thought they had said 'clinic'. I went too. He was held on suspicion of obscene exposure in public. Jacko was shown a photo of a pair of hairy buttocks and the highly pitched one confirmed in shock that they were his. Bad and dangerous stuff.
An 'innocent' bird-watcher had papped Jacko's behind 'accidentally' after he had spied the superstar practicing his legendary 'moonwalk' by sticking his naked ar*e out of a window, striking it with his white-gloved hand and warbling, "Hey London! Do ya wanna piece of this? Do ya wanna beat it? Can you feel it? I'm so off the wall!"
Unfortunately, Jacko has been on powerful painkillers since his singular nose job in 1982, and his dazed mind forgot which moonwalk he was supposed to be doing, hence the naked mix-up. I managed to clear the whole thing up with bribery and escorted the shaken star back to his honeymoon suite at the Berkely. I showed him his classic 1990 Bacofoil Ad (the one where he accidentally set his chimp, Bubbles, on fire) to make sure he was back on track with the correct moves. Jackson owes me for keeping all his seedy secrets, he makes me want to scream!
No comments:
Post a Comment