Mitchell and Webb in tense transvestite tussle!

I'm sad to report that all is not well at Mitchell and Webb HQ after Robert's spellbinding win of TV's 'Let's Prance for Comics-in-Grief' and his sensual portrait of Madonna in 'Bleat' magazine.

According to a 'friend', Mitchell is fuming about Webb's new found popularity due to the power of powder and paint. Millions watched Webb's win and Mitchell is secretly seething with jealousy. He immediately booked himself onto every panel show going and is working on twenty more 'brainy game' formats to 'up' his profile.

A dyed in the wool technophobe (wa*king on endlessly about his fear of the internet blah blah and YouTube killing quality programming blah blah and his love of cosy TV studios), Mitchell shocked the nation by joining 'twitter' to vent his spleen. He quickly took over cyberspace with his copious posting. His followers were taken aback by the funny man's vile, bitter, twisted tweets.

"We never expected him to have a mouth like a docker in distress, or the manners of a monkey on methadone," said one fan. "He's no Stephen 'Bedly Beddington' Fry, that's for sure," said another.

Another source told me, "David decided to fight back and hotfooted it to 'Boots' to get a make-up lesson at the Chanel counter, as he wanted to go for a classic look. Next he stocked up on celebrity mags to choose his muse, and over tea and crumpets he plumped for Julia Roberts. David thought she was perfect for the cowardly cross-dresser: classy yet unshaven."

And so his 'Julia' was born. She was outed at the premiere of Seth Grogan's new film, 'Knocked Up Again By My Gay Grandpa', and went down a storm. The public went wild as they thought it was the 'real' Roberts, although some mentioned that she looked a little fuller in the breast department. This was thanks to David's generous gel-filled bra.

The question is, how will Webb respond? Will peace break out or will the simmering tranny tensions continue? Personally, I think Mitchell should stick with the 'Julia' look. He makes a very pretty woman indeed. In fact, does anyone have her number?